A Wag of my Finger to........

My friends, who feel it nessecary to roll the dice on Satan's craps table a little too often for my taste. I got a call this morning from my roomate's mother (she lives in Detroit by the way), sobbing hysterically trying to find out why the Kent County Sherrif's Department had called her telling her that her son had been arrested and was being held in the County Jail. The questions flew at me like machine gun fire: "Where was he last night?" "What was he doing?" "Who was he with?" Not only did I lack the answers to all these questions, I had an intense desire to aquire them myself.

Later on that day I would discover that my roomate had been arrested the night before for OWI, and I think we all know what that means. That would make four of my close friends now who have drunk-driving charges. Now I know what you're going to say, probably something like "you should get yourself some better friends". And I also know what I'm going to say back, probably something like "Fuck off you judgemental prick". In saying that, I'm not condoning drunk driving; in fact I oppose it heavily, and have never been able to understand why anyone would want to risk ruining a perfectly good drunk by wrapping their car around a tree, killing an innocent bystander, or getting aressted and going to jail. Perhaps these friends of mine know some secret allure of drunk driving that I don't, but that's a secret I think I could wait my whole life and then some to find out.

I love alcohol, but lord knows it doesn't mix with driving. I know we all have friends who have made poor decisions, but who hasn't? I guess in the end you can only hope they've learned their lesson, but just to make sure, a little friendly reminder once in a while never hurt anyone. The next one of my friends stupidly tries to get in their car drunk, I'll simply take their keys and lock them in my bathroom for 12 hours, maybe slide a few pieces of bread and a dish of water under the door. It'll be just like jail, only I will have saved them a $100 bail and a nice ride downtown on the stiff plastic backseat of a cop cruiser.